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Posts: 2,219 Member Since: 10/04/08


Apr 24 09 8:22 PM

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Posts: 2,219 Member Since:10/04/08

#2 [url]

Sep 5 09 10:18 AM

Jerry, Jim, and lefty had just finished
another pleasant afternoon watching afternoon baseball on television.
They had lived for several years in the assisted living home and had
become good friends. The one thing they had in common was a great
love for baseball...
One day after a pleasant afternoon, as
they were enjoying their daily prune juice over ice, the conversation
turned to the subject of becoming old and waiting for the grim reaper
to complete the task they all knew was coming.
Jerry made the comment that he would
not dread the thought of passing on so much if it didn't involve
giving up baseball. Jim commented that in heaven everyone would be
completely happy so baseball would, without a doubt, be a part of the
new experience in Heaven. The conversation turned then to the thought
that it would be good if they would all three agree that the one who
made the journey first would make every effort to get word back about
the status of baseball in Heaven. The agreement was made.
There came a time when Jim became ill
and he passed on.
The two who were left were lost without
Jerry and Lefty often spoke of Jim and
missed him a lot. At times the subject came up about the pact that
the three had made.
Some time later, very early in the
morning, Jerry rushed into the room Lefty lived in with the news that
Jim had visited him during the night, in a dream, with the
information that baseball was a very popular sport in Heaven and in
fact he (Jim) was playing every day. Jerry continued that he had
a long conversation with their friend Jim and was elated with the
good news.
Jerry also said there was some very
good news and a small bit of bad news.
Lefty asked- what could possibly be bad
about heaven being a haven for those who loved baseball.
Jerry replied, I have given you the
good new first. The bad news is that you are scheduled to pitch a
double header on Sunday a week from tomorrow.

Last Edited By: w8eeo Sep 14 14 10:01 PM. Edited 1 time.

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Posts: 2,219 Member Since:10/04/08

#3 [url]

Sep 14 14 9:53 PM

Some one-liners about the joys of getting old

  • When you get old, your secrets are safe with your friends. They'll never share them because they can't remember them.
  • At my age, I don't want to eat health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  • You can't be young forever, but immaturity can last a life time.
  • I'm done with wild oats. Now I'm into prunes and All Bran.
  • Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
  • You know you're getting old when you look in the mirror to shave and realize that the face you're looking at is your father's.
  • I knew the romance was gone when I drank champagne out of the old girl's slipper and choked on a Dr. Scholl's insert.
  • The paper sent a reporter to interview me on my 90th birthday. "What's the secret to longevity?" he asked. "Simple," I said. "Keep breathing."
  • Isn't it nice that wrinkles don't hurt?
  • I knew I was getting bald because it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.
  • I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it.
  • I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  • It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

Last Edited By: w8eeo Sep 14 14 10:00 PM. Edited 1 time.

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Posts: 50 Member Since:03/11/16

#4 [url]

Mar 17 16 5:04 AM

w8eeo wrote:
  • Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

What a funny line! Such an irony because it does feel like that. It is actually a nice indirect reminder that life goes so quickly just like toilet papers and we only realize it too late. I remember few other lines:
  • Your back goes out, you stay home.
  • Everything hurts. What does not hurt, does not work.

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Posts: 36 Member Since:03/12/16

#5 [url]

Mar 30 16 12:54 PM

Time Telling Trumpet

One evening I went to visit my elderly grandparents. When it started getting late I asked my grandfather if he had the time, as I didn’t have my watch with me. “I don’t have a watch or clock around here he tells me.” “Then how do you tell the time?” I asked. “You see that trumpet in the corner? That’s how!” He picks it up, and thirty seconds later an angry neighbor shouts, “2:30 in the morning and your playing the trumpet!”

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