Remove this ad

avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since: 11/25/09

Lead

Nov 26 09 3:13 AM

Tags : :

A history joke
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!

A math joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

A history joke
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!

A history joke
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

A history joke
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

Quote    Reply   
Remove this ad
Remove this ad
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#1 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:13 AM

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

A history joke
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!

A history joke
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

A math joke
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!

You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#2 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:13 AM

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!

Why did the teacher put the lights on?
Because the class was so dim!

A history joke
How did Vikings communicate?
By norse code!

A math joke
Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

A history joke
What is a forum?
Two-um plus two-um!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#3 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:14 AM

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
So what's so great about that?
It's snowing outside!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!

Where did all the cuts and blood come from?
The school went on a trip!

What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?
The food!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#4 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:14 AM

What kind of food do maths teachers eat?
Square meals!

The food in our school canteen is perfect.
If your a bug!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it

A history joke
How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?
With their eyes shut!

How did the boy feel after being caned?
Absolutely whacked!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#5 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:14 AM

What's black and white all over and difficult?
An exam paper!

A history joke
Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

A history joke
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!

A history joke
The Spanish explorers went round the world in a galleon.
How many galleons did the get to the mile!

A history joke
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#6 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:15 AM

A history joke
What was King Arthur's favourite game?
Knights and crosses!

A history joke
Where was the Declaration of Independance signed?
At the bottom!

A history joke
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!

A history joke
Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!

Why is that?
Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!

A history joke
Did the Native Americans hunt bear!

Not in the winter!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#7 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:15 AM

A math joke
If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?
None, they were all copycats!

A history joke
What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate?
The registration of the car that ran him over!

Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

A history joke
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!

A math joke
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#8 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:15 AM

A history joke
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?
On their feet!

You mean you need to sleep at home too!

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

A history joke
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted Mark Antony!

Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren't listening the first time!

Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!
Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland!
Pupil: A reindeer
Teacher: Good, now name another.
Class: Another reindeer!

Quote    Reply   
Remove this ad
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#9 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:16 AM

A history joke
What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?
Speaking Latin!

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

A history joke
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So no one could corner him!

A history joke
Who invented King Arthur's round table?
Sir Circumference!

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listenin

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#10 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:16 AM

Teacher: What are the Great Plains?
Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!

Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well?
Son: In school!

A history joke
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
He liked to chop and change!

Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.

Teacher: Why is that?
Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#11 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:16 AM

A math joke
I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn't take algebra!

A history joke
Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always running after the ghost of Henry VIII?
She was trying to get ahead!

A history joke
What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?
Sat down!

A math joke
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
The juve-niles!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#12 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:17 AM

Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?
Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can't see!

A history joke
Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!

Teacher: You're new here aren't you, what's your name?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

A history joke
Why did Eve want to move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple!

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#13 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:17 AM

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!

What did the Sheriff of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?
That was an arrow escape!

A history joke
What did the ghost of Queen Elizabeth say as it floated into the terrified woman's bedroom?
Don't worry, I'm just passing through!

Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were.
Mother: Well next time remember where you put things!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

marqie

Posts: 15 Member Since:11/25/09

#14 [url]

Nov 26 09 3:18 AM

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!

Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world!

Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day?
Pupil: The school bus!

What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had?
The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had!

Quote    Reply   
avatar

FiddlingCat

Posts: 36 Member Since:03/12/16

#16 [url]

Mar 31 16 4:45 PM

Clean school joke for your collection

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

Quote    Reply   
Remove this ad
Add Reply

Quick Reply

bbcode help